Take Charge of Conflict
by Judith Lindenberger

Conflict is a given. You will have conflict with other people in your lifetime. Here is what I have learned about taking charge of conflict.

Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it probably is.

Remove yourself emotionally and do not take the situation personally. Stop, listen and observe. Breathe.

Be an eagle and soar above. Look at the situation from atop the peak.

Walk a mile in the shoes of the person with whom you have conflict. Listen for grains of truth in what he or she says. As the saying goes, "Perception is reality." What is the other person's reality?

Decide what you want. Not for today but for the long term. Ask yourself, what is my goal? When I got married (more than 20 years ago), my mother gave me some advice. She said, "You can be right all the time or you can be married." You may very well be right but getting the other person to admit that you're right may not always be the wisest goal or in your best interest.

Have alternative plans. Determine several responses you could make to the situation. List the advantages and disadvantages of each response. Think about the long-term implications of each response.

Think ahead. This is the chess game of life. Strategize your every move. Determine what the other person might do. Avoid surprise attacks. A famous chess player, when asked his strategy for success, said, "I always think through at least one more move than my opponent."

Move slowly but deliberately. Do not make assumptions. Check out the facts. Make your moves and your decisions based on data, not on emotions.

Later, take time to reflect. Ask yourself, what have I learned from this conflict situation? What did I gain? What did I do brilliantly? And, what might I still need to learn?

Copyright © 2006 by The Lindenberger Group, LLC. All rights reserved. You may reproduce materials available at this site for your own personal use and for non-commercial distribution. All copies must include this copyright statement.

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